I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
