she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
