is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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