NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize