fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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