Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
