Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The power of my boobs compel you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
