Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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