So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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