hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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