Your face is a jimmy john
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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