Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
