??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
