Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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