You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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