wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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