His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
