dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
