If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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