She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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