I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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