He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize