i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
