Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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