Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
