u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i already hear my dad disowning me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
