I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
