oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize