last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize