I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize