Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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