He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
