He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I want to be your penis for a week.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
