they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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