Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
