he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You took a bar mat shot.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize