I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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