I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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