my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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