I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
