You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
