I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
