I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
