Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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