you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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