you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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