i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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