the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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