Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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