I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
