Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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