Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
