Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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