The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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