Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
