I'm jealous of your bromance
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
