I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
