wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
