Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
