I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
