corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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