cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
