My first STD was from a foam party
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
