I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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