covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
