You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
