i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
