I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
