Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
