So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
